Decision-Making: The “Anti-Supposed To” Manifesto

Posted on March 24, 2009 
Filed Under Homeschool, Learning Lifestyle, Observations

I’ve recently heard a lot of questions around the idea of “supposed to.”

Enough, already! Sometimes you’re just supposed to do what needs to be done in the very best way you can. This is very important when teaching children. Too many “supposed to’s” and they lose the initiative to learn and to try new things because they imagine there’s only one right way to do anything. What a mental prison!

Learning to make good decisions is a lot like learning to walk. Babies do a lot of creeping, crawling, and falling before they are walking well. If you tried to keep them safe by never letting them out of the crib, you’d end up with a disabled adult. If you never allow your children the freedom to make small decisions and fall when necessary, they may be safe, but they’ll be crippled.

There are times in life when you must follow basic rules (only number 2 pencils for the SAT; no scary stuff on airplanes; file your taxes on time). There are other times when there is room for personal decisions that factor in ability, convenience, efficiency, budget, and many other variables. To limit choices to “that’s the way it’s always been done,” or “you do it this way because it’s the way I like to do it,” is to cripple an individual’s ability to think clearly and make choices that are best for the circumstances. Children need the opportunity to practice thinking through small questions such as those above, so that they will have experience in examining options and making wise choices when more important decisions arise.

Institutional schools have an assembly line approach that makes for a lot of “supposed to’s” that are unncessary in the real world. If you attended an institutional school, beware that you don’t pass along those crippling limitations to your children. Instead, encourage them to learn and grow, acknowledging that while they’ll occasionally make mistakes, it’s okay. They are more likely to remember lessons learned from decisions they’ve made, than they are to learn anything from “because I said so.”

Remember the old saying that “practice makes perfect”? You and your children won’t always make perfect decisions, no matter how much practice you have, but I promise that practicing on the small decisions will help you make better decisions when the big questions arise.

It’s time to let go of the artificial or opinion-based “supposed to’s” and to help your children begin the practice of thinking clearly and making thoughtful decisions. Start with small things (it’s a small matter if the decision will be irrelevant in less than a year), then allow increasing decision-making freedom based on the wisdom of decisions already made. As you watch your grown children confidently make beneficial decisions, you’ll be glad you got off the “supposed to” express!

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Beat-the-Clock Essay Workshop this Saturday, 3/28/09, in Fairfax, Virginia

There are still a few spaces available the Fairfax workshop, so if your student needs to learn to write timed essays for the SAT, ACT, or CLEPs, be sure to visit www.EssayWorkshop.com for more information!
To register, please contact Susan Thorson at thorsonsusan@gmail.com.

Location:
Sovereign Grace Church
5200 Ox Road
Fairfax, VA 22030

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Please submit your post for next week’s blog carnival!

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One Response to “Decision-Making: The “Anti-Supposed To” Manifesto”

  1. Carnival of Homeschooling- The Spring Fever Edition | Janice Campbell on March 31st, 2009 8:57 am

    [...] eternal “supposed to’s” on decision-making? Escape the trap! Read and comment on The “Anti-Supposed To” Manifesto at Taking Time for Things that [...]

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