Give Your Child the Benefit of the Doubt

The sweetness of lips increases learning... (Proverbs 16:21)

Do you remember what it’s like to be a child?

Do you remember struggling with something and being told, “Come on, it’s easy! You’re just not trying.” Or worse, “You could do better if you weren’t so lazy/careless.”

Do you remember how that felt?

What if you really were struggling? What if you couldn’t see the chalkboard, or couldn’t hear the teacher clearly? What if you just didn’t quite understand what to do? Did it help to be told that you’re not trying, or that you’re lazy, or careless? Did it make you want to come back to school, to try harder?

I rather doubt it.

If you have a child that’s not doing well with something, stop and think before you speak. If the child is generally cooperative and obedient, is there any reason to assume that he or she has suddenly become uncooperative, careless, lazy, or incompetent?

Children often don’t know how to clearly express a lack of comprehension, and parents can get tired of hearing “I don’t know how,” or “I can’t.” The child may not fully understand that the reason he feels he can’t write a book report is because he’s never seen a completed one. Often, he’ll dawdle, be mischievous, or procrastinate because he truly doesn’t know the next step.

That isn’t the child’s fault, is it?

If a child doesn’t see or hear clearly, he or she usually don’t realize it. If trees have always been green blobs, how would she know that trees don’t look like that to other people? Children can’t explain what they don’t know, so it’s important for those who love them to have their sight and hearing checked regularly, so that problems can be caught and fixed.

One of the biggest responsibilities of parenthood is to model love, grace, and kindness. Remember your own childhood, and how it felt to be unjustly accused or misunderstood. Remember how it felt when someone extended love, grace, and kindness to you, and showed patience and understanding when you had difficulties. Remember God’s love. Pass it on.

Most Important Word: Words Matter Week Blog Challenge-Day 1

The Monday question for the Words Matter Week blog challenge is:

What is the most important word or words in your life? Why?

When I create writing assignments for students, I try to craft questions that narrow the topic to something manageable. Perhaps I can narrow the Words Matter Week blog challenge question in a similar way, so I can avoid the hard task of choosing just one word!

Variant #1: What is the most important proper noun in your life? Why?
God. That’s an easy pick, because faith is central to my life, and without God, nothing else would matter. Of course, there are other very important proper nouns: Donald, Craig, Taylor and Anya, Bryan, and Trevor. They are important because they are my sweet family, and I love them.

Variant #2: What is the most important verb in your life? Why?
Love. Without love, it would be impossible to experience deep relationships with those proper nouns (and remember, God is love- I John 4:7-8). Without love, there would be no true grace, mercy, peace, joy, kindness, patience or goodness.

Variant #3: What is the most important adjective/adverb in your life? Why?
I can’t pick just one: kindly and creatively are my two choices. I want to live my life kindly and creatively, for the sake of joy and love.

See? It’s much easier to answer a question if it’s narrowed to a manageable size. It’s also easier to write about something if you define terms before you begin. There’s more than one way to skin a rat!

Words Matter Week is sponsored by the National Association of Independent Writers and Editors. It’s a wonderful opportunity to think about the importance of words. I hope you’ll visit the website and join the blog challenge– if you blog on all five days, you’ll be entered for a random drawing for a $20 Amazon gift certificate. If you love words, I’m sure you can use that!