Can Learning Go On While Caregiving? Crisis Schooling for Homeschoolers
“Your children may not remember what you do, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”
Caregiving and homeschooling can work together.
Can learning can go on while you’re cargiving for someone who is elderly or disabled? I want to reassure you that it can, but it will be different from what you might expect. If you can align your expectations with reality, make adjustments that keep you sane, and focus on priorities and essentials, you’ll be able to homeschool while you’re a caregiver. You may not achieve the picture-perfect homeschool you envision, but your family will learn many valuable lessons, and can even thrive.
Be Realistic
The first thing to do is to be realistic. You’ll need to balance the needs of your husband, your children, and yourself with the demands of caregiving. If you’re in a short-term caregiving situation, you can make big, temporary compromises in your focus and survive in the short term. If you’re in a long-term caregiving situation, you’ll need to focus on overall lifestyle changes and enlist help when you need it.
For example, in the last year of my grandfather’s life, we were dealing with his Alzheimer’s disease, my grandmother’s difficult adjustment to living in Virginia, plus four boys, ages 1, 3, 6, and 8. Between having to pack up the boys to go and hunt up “Gampy” when he wandered off (sometimes more than once a day), selling our house and building a new one where the grandparents could live with us, and coping with meals, laundry, and all the varying physical and emotional needs, it was a challenge to get more than the very basics of a math lesson and a bit of writing done. Some days we weren’t even able to do that much.
I was fortunate enough to have been a very focused learner all through my childhood, and I realized that most of what I’d learned had been through independent reading (that is still my most important learning method). During that crisis year, I made sure that the boys had a lot of good reading material, lots of audio books and music, and an occasional video documentary. I also gave the two big boys one of those giant supermarket workbooks that contain short lessons in every subject, and let them work on those when I was feeling that they needed something more.
The important thing was that I realized quite early that there was no way I’d be able to keep up all the beautiful plans and orderly schedules I’d mapped out for our homeschool. The physical needs of the moment made it impossible, and it was more important to preserve and build relationships in our family than to have a perfect homeschool. I knew that we had many years ahead to balance out anything they may have missed, and their year-end test scores were as high as they had been in previous years. If you have a crisis when you have older students, they’ll be more able to self-direct, and should miss even less than young ones.
Make Adjustments
The second thing we had to do was make adjustments to keep ourselves sane. If you’re going to be caregiving, you’ll find that it’s physically and emotionally draining. If you’re a wife and mother, the most important thing you must do is to love your husband and children (Titus 2:4), and keep them at the top of your priority list. The most important adjustment you can make is to eliminate things that absorb too much time or energy from priorities. If you find yourself stressed and being crabby with your husband and children, it’s time to step back and refocus.
A good way to decide what to eliminate is to look at what causes you the most stress. I found that when I was overtired from going out too much, I didn’t have the physical or emotional ability to meet everyone’s needs. The answer was to become more home-centered and eliminate most evening outings. We found that slowing down our life and eliminating too much running around had many benefits, including better family relationships, better overall health, better-quality learning, and much more relaxed and pleasant days. You may find other things to eliminate, but be sure to eliminate what doesn’t contribute to helping you fulfill the most important priorities in your life.
You’ll find it helpful to make practical, physical adjustments, too. If you need to add adaptive equipment to your house for the safety of your caregivee, don’t hesitate to do so if it’s financially possible. You’ll usually find many health-related items sold cheaply in the classified ads of your local paper. As my grandmother’s balance has gotten progressively worse, I’ve had to begin wearing sport sandals with a lot of traction to keep myself stable when helping her. I’ve also had to work on increasing fitness, as she’s requiring more and more physical assistance. It can be a real challenge to equip yourself and your home with what you need, but it can help you avoid accidents or injuries, and that’s important.
Stay Focused
The final thing to do is to remain focused on priorities and essentials. Your family must not only be fed physically and academically, but they must also be nourished with love and tenderness. There will be times when you must compromise on the physical in order to meet the emotional and academic needs of each one. It’s more important to spend time on things with long-term benefit than on things that last only for a moment.
Your children are likely to remember that you spent time with them, even if you were eating peanut butter sandwiches rather than a full-scale dinner. Learning to read is more essential and will last longer than having a perfectly decorated and maintained house. Being loving and nurturing is more important than maintaining a perfect homeschool schedule. (Again, if you find yourself feeling overtired and crabby, it’s probably time to eliminate a non-priority or perhaps get your hormone levels checked–your physical needs must be met so that you are able to care for your family.)
There are seasons of life for each of us, and you’ll find that in each season there are different priorities. The common denominator of each priority is that it’s usually related to people, not things. We’re called to work diligently and be good stewards, but we’re also called to love and nurture our family first. During the parenting/homeschooling season, raising and teaching children and building a strong family becomes a top priority. When you add caregiving into the mix, it usually slots into the priority list right below spouse and children. Everything beyond that becomes negotiable, because there will be other seasons when caregiving and family responsibilities are over, and you can focus elsewhere.
Learning will continue to happen as long as you focus on priorities, eliminate distractions, and keep a long-term view. Remember that you’re not required to do everything in every season of life, and it’s important not to become discouraged by comparing yourself or your family to others. The reality of parenting, homeschooling, and caregiving is that you do the best you can with what you have at the moment, and pray that the mercy and grace of God will cover all.
“Your children may not remember what you do, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”
Addendum: The boys are grown now, and those less academic years don’t seem to have harmed their education. They were surrounded by books, art, music, nature, and love, and that’s the core of creating a learning lifestyle in which learning will happen, with or without structure. If you create the atmosphere, they’ll learn!
“Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life.”
(Charlotte Mason)
Other posts in this series:
1- Caregiving for Homeschool Families: Don’t Go Into It Lightly
2- Advice for Friends of Caregivers
Carnival of Homeschooling: The Beach Reading Edition
The homeschool carnival makes great beach reading.
Three Things to Consider When Making Curriculum Decisions
I know that it’s curriculum-choosing time for a lot of you, and after talking with parents at the last two conventions, I wanted to suggest three things to think about before you make any curriculum decisions.
- Your student’s learning style
- Your household patterns and routines
- Your student’s gifts and goals
Your Student’s Learning Style
It’s important to know whether your student learns best by seeing, hearing, or doing. When you work with a student’s learning style, rather than against it, the student will learn more easily and retain a lot more of what he learns. If you are teaching multiple students using one curriculum, adapt it to fit whenever you can. For example, if you have an auditory learner, allow him to sometimes listen to audiobooks, rather than read everything, especially if he needs to read something that is full of challenging ideas, such as classic literature. If you have a kinesthetic (hands-on) learner, look for resources that will actively engage him, such as science with a laboratory component, or literature that requires looking, listening, and doing. Read more
Caregiving for Homeschool Families: Don’t Go Into It Lightly
Homeschool families are notoriously family-friendly, but I’ve recently been hearing questions and concerns about caregiving while homeschooling, so I thought I’d share a few thoughts here. Most of the people who have asked questions have been thinking about their parents or grandparents and have options available other than in-home caregiving, so I’ll mostly address things to consider in deciding whether or not to opt for in-home caregiving.
I was raised by my grandparents, so caregiving arrived early for me. My husband Donald and I cared for my grandfather (actually step-g) from 1989 until he passed on from complications of Alzheimer’s disease in 1993, and have been caring for my grandmother ever since. The observations I’ll share are based on my experiences and those of my caregiving friends during the past couple of decades and may not apply to everyone. Perhaps they’ll help as you consider what might lie ahead for your family.
You Gain
- You learn to be flexible and patient.
- Your children can become better acquainted with the person you’re caring for, and bless them by helping out.
- You learn that people are more important than perfect schedules.
- If you’re caring for an elder who is still mentally sharp, you can take the opportunity to learn from them.
- You gain friends who understand some of what you’re going through.
- You learn that a sense of humor can make an awkward or unpleasant situation bearable.
- You learn not to rely on yourself, but on the Lord.
You Lose Read more
The Power of Copying a Text
Charlotte Mason recommended copywork as part of the language arts curriculum, and I second that suggestion. Copying a text is a powerful way, not only to practice writing mechanics, but also to absorb the cadence of an author’s prose, the fluidity of each sentence, and most of all, the deep meaning of the passage. If you want your students to commit anything to memory, the first place to begin is by having them copy it.
I learned the power of copying when I did calligraphy for hire. Writing out a text gave me time to reflect on meaning, prose style, and more. Poetry and verses that I copied have remained with me, even decades later. Copying is a relatively simple activity that can make your student a better writer. I hope you’ll try it!
The power of a text is different when it is read from when it is copied out.
Only the copied text thus commands the soul of him who is occupied with it,
whereas the mere reader never discovers the new aspects of his inner self that are opened by the text,
that road cut through the interior jungle forever closing behind it:
because the reader follows the movement of his mind in the free flight of day-dreaming,
whereas the copier submits it to command.
Walter Benjamin
Homeschool Through High School Workshop Replays
Ultimate Homeschool Expo 2010
Several of you have asked about replays from the Homeschooling through High School workshop I did for Cindy Rushton’s Ultimate Homeschool Expo a couple of days ago, and a few of you wrote that you hadn’t been able to click the link I sent out in e-mail. So here it is on the blog– I’ve even tested it for you!
We had such fun on this call, and there were so many questions at the end that the call lasted almost two hours. We were happy to share so much information about the scary subjects– transcripts, records, college admissions, financial aid, and more. If you were able to be on the call, I hope you were reassured by it all.
If you weren’t able to make it to the live call, Cindy has a page up that will tell you how to access this recording and all the other speakers she’ll be hosting over the next couple of weeks. The UHSE is an amazing online event, and it’s well worth putting on your calendar. You can check it all out at the Ultimate Homeschool Expo homepage.
Learning Styles: Should You Care?
In the How to Raise Boy series you read in previous posts, I talked about some of the things I learned along the way. Perhaps you noticed that there were differences in the things that each boy asked me to share. One asked me to see something interesting he had found (keyword is SEE); another wanted me to see what he had done and watch what he could do with it (keyword is DO); and the other wanted me to hear something that inspired him (keyword is HEAR).
Those keywords correspond to specific learning styles:
- See: A visual learner
- Do: A kinesthetic (hands-on) learner (often described as “wiggle-worm”)
- Hear: An auditory learner (sometimes described as “noisy”)
Hey Mom, Listen to this Great Performance: How to Raise a Boy, Part 3
Saturday’s beautiful weather must have inspired all the boys. Shortly after I came back from checking out the jungle gym (see the previous post), my oldest son Craig, 25, e-mailed me to check out the beautiful performance he’d just found of Franz Lizst’s Christus. He’d posted it as his Facebook status for the weekend, and wanted to make sure I got to enjoy it too.
Here’s what he wrote to accompany it:
“Favorite musical selection for this weekend. Franz Liszt’s amazing oratorio on the life of Christ. I listen to this final section all the time. This is rarely performed and recordings are hard to come by. This is a video I created from my music collection. Please take the time to listen to this music, it can change your life. Have a blessed weekend.”
He posts a favorite classical music section almost daily. If you click to read all the information he included with this video, you’ll find an overview of the oratorio, the artists, and finally the words to this particular piece, plus links to more information. If you want to learn more about classical music, he’s a good person to know.
Guess what? I didn’t teach him all this. I didn’t teach him how to listen to and understand classical music; how to discern small differences that make one performance superior to another; or how to transfer music from a CD to a video that could go into YouTube (he actually considers himself a techno-klutz, with fairly good reason).
All we did was provide access to the family stereo with the radio dial set to NPR, plus Music and Moments with the Masters tapes and Beethoven Lives Upstairs and others in that series. When we asked what he wanted for his 14th birthday, he requested the audio course, How to Listen to and Understand Great Music with Robert Greenberg, published by The Teaching Company. He listened to it repeatedly, and for each subsequent birthday asked for and received other Teaching Company courses on music, history, literature, philosophy, and government.
Oh, and we also gave him the time and freedom to listen, learn, and then explore what he wanted to learn more about. We tried to make sure none of his brothers teased him about singing audibly, and as one result, he’s currently preparing for an April 18 recital of tenor arias (you’re welcome to come if you’re in Central Virginia). He also sings in the Central Virginia Masterworks Chorale, along with our youngest son (you met him in the snake story a couple of days ago) and enjoys playing tenor roles in our local opera company.
You’re probably beginning to discern a common theme in this How to Raise a Boy series. Let your boys be who they are. Give them all the time, space, freedom, and love you possibly can, and don’t spend your life saying “quiet!” and “don’t.” Craig led many woodland forays, got dirty with the best of them, and yet, his love of music and history has always defined him. If he had to wait for me to learn it all and teach him, he wouldn’t know a fraction of what he knows.
Children have nearly unlimited time to learn things quickly while their interest is hot, and if you can provide resources and time, chances are they’ll learn way more than you’ll ever teach them. It may not be on a topic you’d choose, but they need to be able to explore what really interests them so they will know themselves and their unique gift and calling when they reach adulthood. An overly regimented child is less likely to really know what he enjoys, or where his true skills lie. Even though it may seem counter-intuitive, doing less with them is often better than doing more. Children are people too, and they need time and space to become who they were meant to be.
*Note: This series of posts is presented, not in a spirit of “I did it all right,” because no one knows better than I how many things I didn’t do right, but in a spirit of “this is how things can turn out by the grace of God.” I share them because I wish you joy. I also want to encourage you that you can take this opportunity to discipline your own irrational fears so that you won’t pass them on to your children. “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-control.” II Timothy 1:7.
Give Your Child the Benefit of the Doubt
The sweetness of lips increases learning... (Proverbs 16:21)
Do you remember what it’s like to be a child?
Do you remember struggling with something and being told, “Come on, it’s easy! You’re just not trying.” Or worse, “You could do better if you weren’t so lazy/careless.”
Do you remember how that felt?
What if you really were struggling? What if you couldn’t see the chalkboard, or couldn’t hear the teacher clearly? What if you just didn’t quite understand what to do? Did it help to be told that you’re not trying, or that you’re lazy, or careless? Did it make you want to come back to school, to try harder?
I rather doubt it.
If you have a child that’s not doing well with something, stop and think before you speak. If the child is generally cooperative and obedient, is there any reason to assume that he or she has suddenly become uncooperative, careless, lazy, or incompetent?
Children often don’t know how to clearly express a lack of comprehension, and parents can get tired of hearing “I don’t know how,” or “I can’t.” The child may not fully understand that the reason he feels he can’t write a book report is because he’s never seen a completed one. Often, he’ll dawdle, be mischievous, or procrastinate because he truly doesn’t know the next step.
That isn’t the child’s fault, is it?
If a child doesn’t see or hear clearly, he or she usually don’t realize it. If trees have always been green blobs, how would she know that trees don’t look like that to other people? Children can’t explain what they don’t know, so it’s important for those who love them to have their sight and hearing checked regularly, so that problems can be caught and fixed.
One of the biggest responsibilities of parenthood is to model love, grace, and kindness. Remember your own childhood, and how it felt to be unjustly accused or misunderstood. Remember how it felt when someone extended love, grace, and kindness to you, and showed patience and understanding when you had difficulties. Remember God’s love. Pass it on.
Are You Helpful or Nitpicking?
Balance. When evaluating a student’s schoolwork, it can be a challenge to find the right balance between being helpful and nitpicking. Here are a few things to consider:
Relationship
Does your evaluation style seem to build or tear down the trust relationship between you and your child?
- A negative, impatient, or critical tone can make even the most minor critique seem overwhelming to a sensitive child.
- Be sensitive to each student’s abilities and don’t overwhelm a struggling student with too much negative feedback at once. Focus on the most important thing for the moment. There will be other days to fix other things.
- If you and your student have difficulty communicating on a subject, it may be a good idea to enlist someone else to help the student in that subject. Preserving the relationship is more important than doing everything yourself.
- Any criticism should always be focused on the work, not on the student. Children never forget being treated as though they are stupid or stubborn, when they are simply struggling. Criticism should never begin with “you.” Instead, practice saying things such as “I’m not sure I understand what you mean by…” (for an essay or report), or “It looks as though we need a little more practice on…” (whatever the area of difficulty).
- The sweetness of lips of lips increases learning. Proverbs 16:21
Do you always play fair by making sure that the student knows the exact expectations for the assignment? Read more
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About
Hi, I'm Janice Campbell, and I'm glad you're here! I invite you to join me in focusing on things that matter- family, literacy, creativity, growth, and service. It's so easy to be entangled by the mundane, but it doesn't have to happen.
Among other things, I'll write about home-schooling through high school, and some of the opportunities you can explore with your teens- entrepreneurship, travel, early college, college alternatives, and more. I'll also share favorite poems, classic literature, announcements of special events and reviews of good resources, as well as a dollop of opinion on mostly education-related topics. I welcome your comments!
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