Veterans Day 2011: Honor and Respect
Thank you, veterans, for your willingness to pay the price of freedom.
I think of the line from the Roman poet Horace, “dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.” This can be roughly translated as: “It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.” (Translation of this and the lines below by John Conington; quoted in Wikepedia.) While this may may seem an out-of-date sentiment, the reality of the ancient Roman soldier probably differs but little from the experience of soldiers on the ground anywhere in the the world. It’s not easy.
“To suffer hardness with good cheer,
In sternest school of warfare bred,
Our youth should learn; let steed and spear
Make him one day the Parthian’s dread;
Cold skies, keen perils, brace his life.
Methinks I see from rampired town
Some battling tyrant’s matron wife,
Some maiden, look in terror down,-
“Ah, my dear lord, untrain’d in war!
O tempt not the infuriate mood
Of that fell lion I see! from far
He plunges through a tide of blood!”
What joy, for fatherland to die!
Death’s darts e’en flying feet o’ertake,
Nor spare a recreant chivalry,
A back that cowers, or loins that quake.”
Taken from Odes (III.2.13) by the Roman lyric poet Horace.
It’s not easy for the families of veterans, who wait and watch for their return, and who struggle to keep up with everything at home. For them, I think of John Milton’s great poem “On His Blindness,” and especially the last line:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
Families of veterans, I thank each of you too. You share in the burden of service, and we are grateful.
For homeschooling families, Beverly Hernandez offers a bit of history plus some activities and resources on her Celebrate Veterans Day page. You’ll also find good quotes on liberty and freedom at my entrepreneurial blog, Do What Matters, Make it Pay. These work well for copywork or dictation, or simply as essay or discussion starters. Enjoy!
If you’d like to listen to or learn the patriotic music of the various branches of the armed forces, Eastern Illinois University has compiled an outstanding page that contains music and lyrics for the songs of the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, Air Force, Marines.
The video below offers an overview of some of the volunteer activities you can do with or for veterans, and you’ll find more at the Office for Veterans Affairs page. If you know a veteran or have one in your family, the best place to start might just be with a hug and a “Thank you, I love you.” Many restaurants and businesses offer discounts or freebies to vets (here’s one list from Daily Finance)– perhaps you can Google for more and treat your veteran to something special.
From Eric K. Shinseki, the Secretary of Veterans Affairs:
“On the 11th hour, on the 11th day, of the 11th month of 2011, we will pause to honor America’s Veterans and celebrate their contributions to our way of life. Few have given more to our Nation than the men and women who have served in our Armed Forces in peace and in war.
Generation after generation-from Bunker Hill and Bennington to Baghdad and Abbottabad-protected, defended, and preserved the principles and ideals that define our democracy. Across that remarkable sweep of history, today’s America was shaped at Lexington and Concord, Antietam and Gettysburg, in the skies over Midway, on the beaches of Normandy, in winter’s grip at Chosin Reservoir, in the heat of Ia Drang Valley, from the Persian Gulf into Afghanistan and Iraq by those who wore our Nation’s uniforms. Over twenty-two million living Veterans today embody our exceptional character and values as a people-each a line in our Nation’s history, but together many chapters towards today’s future.”
This post is in loving memory of my father, a WWII veteran.
One of the most influential books I’ve ever read is John Taylor Gatto’s Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling in which he describes the fundamental lessons he was required to teach during his 26 years as a schoolteacher. The book is adapted from a speech given at a ceremony in which Gatto was named the New York State Teacher of the Year for 1991.
Here are the seven horrifying lessons–see if you recognize any of them from your own school experiences.
The reason I share these seven lessons here is to remind each of us not to replicate these appalling lessons in our own homes. When I talked with college admissions counselors while I was writing Transcripts Made Easy, almost every one of them spoke positively of some major differences they’d seen in homeschoolers. These included a lack of peer dependence, the ability to self-motivate, perseverance, independent thought, and often, a lively interest in life and learning. Let’s keep it that way!
One of the best parts of speaking at many homeschool conferences across the country is getting acquainted with the issues that are top-of-the-mind for homeschoolers in different areas. This year, there seemed to be an interesting shift in focus. People were still stopping by to talk about Excellence in Literature, teaching writing, and creating transcripts, but there was also a new urgency of interest in things that could save or make money, such as getting a jump start on college or starting a microbusiness.
The past few years have been an economic challenge for most single-income families, but many have risen to the challenge and are doing constructive things to counteract decreased income. Over and over I heard inspiring stories of parents or teens who are moonlighting or running a microbusiness in their spare time. At the AFHE conference in Arizona, I enjoyed seeing an entire row of Young Entrepreneur exhibits, manned by remarkably professional-sounding young people who had not only learned how to create something useful, but also how to present themselves and market their product.
I believe that entrepreneurship should be part of every education. Creating a small business does more than just provide a bit of extra money– it provides learning opportunities that nothing else can. Here are five reasons it’s important to learn the kind of attitudes, skills, and habits that characterize successful entrepreneurs.
Mindset: Andrew Pudewa coined the term freedomship, and although it’s not found in any dictionary (yet), it encompasses some of the most compelling reasons for learning and teaching business skills. We live in a society that teaches passivity, rather than active exploration and initiative. Conformity, along with its Siamese twin mediocrity is one of the primary lessons taught by schools, government, the media, and the workplace.
For most people, it’s not easy to be different. Homeschoolers have an advantage, though, as we’ve already chosen an alternative approach to education and bypassed the all-too-human compulsion to be like everyone else. It’s already too late. Entrepreneurial training takes this a step farther by teaching students how to act with freedom, integrity, and purpose in their work life.
Flexibility and Preparedness: Our nation was built on a foundation of courage and independence, but modern influences continue to erode personal responsibility and initiative. Entrepreneurial education provides a way for anyone of any age or financial condition to be better prepared to independently generate personal income. Business transitions are a fact of life. Factories close or automate, corporations merge and shift focus. It’s critical to be prepared to observe trends and be ready and able to move into another field or to supplement income with a microbusiness.
Basic business training helps workers understand coming changes and take appropriate action. For example, if you work for an automobile or furniture assembly line and begin to hear rumors that the factory will soon close, that’s the time to start planning an exit. It’s not only stressful, but also financially suicidal to wait until the formal announcement is made and all your co-workers are also looking for options. If you understand how to start and run a microbusiness, you can quickly begin moonlighting in a venture of your own, and have a head start when the axe falls.
Learning: Creating a business of any kind, a full-scale brick-and-mortar business or a tiny internet-based microbusiness, provides a lot more front line learning than any theory-based business class. Teens who choose run a business rather than flip burgers for the summer learn not only the service or product they are selling, but they also learn about business structures, bookkeeping, customer service, marketing, creative problem solving, real-world communication, and much more. Real bookkeeping for a small business is a lot more memorable than exercises from a consumer math textbook. Best of all, the skills and knowledge gained can be applied to many other parts of life.
High-School Transcript: A small business is a great addition to a high-school transcript. Whether a teen is bound for college, trade school, the military, or is planning to build his or her business into a full-time career, entrepreneurship demonstrates initiative, hard work, creativity, perseverance, and other valuable skills and character traits. It’s likely that you’ll be able to grant credit for many of the business functions (bookkeeping, salesmanship, web design basics, etc.) your student learns as her or she builds a business.
Fun: Finally, entrepreneurship is just plain fun. It empowers individuals– moms, dads, teens, pre-teens– to create something of value and share it with others in a profitable way. A young person who starts a microbusiness gains a lot more than spending money. He or she gains confidence, valuable experience, and a host of new skills that can be used for life.
“The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try. Once you find something you love to do, be the best at doing it.”
~Debbi Fields, founder of Mrs. Fields Cookies
Microbusiness for Teens: A Curriculum by Carol Topp, CPA
Welcome to the August 9, 2011 edition of Carnival of Homeschooling. Although a few of you are ready to
jump back into school or have already done so, others seem to be stretching those happy summer moments for as long as possible.
I suggest that you pour a frosty glass of lemonade, find a cool spot, and enjoy the delightful posts that have been submitted.
Not quite ready for “regular school?” Tiana Krenz shares a delightful idea in Plan a Vacation, Learn Geography (Awesome FREE project!) posted at God Made Home Grown - Tiana Krenz.
Nikki Olivier invites you to journey along on an interesting family outing in I can officially call them kids! posted at Our Journey in Him, commenting, “spending time together as a family out in nature….there’s so much to learn!”
AnnieKate shares beautiful photos along with many great reasons why a garden can be a wonderful addition to homeschooling at The Gardening Homeschooler posted at Tea Time with Annie Kate.
Can you tell the difference between a plant and a weed? How about in your children’s lives? Joan Girkins presents ~Thoughts from My Garden~ (Part 4) posted at I Love Truth!.
Is it learning or is it just plain fun? Lisa Nehring offers a bit of both Summer School Shop Class posted at Golden Grasses.
Tasty treats from the garden.
In her evocative post, “Degrees of Separation” or “Your Child’s Future Sanity” posted at Sage Parnassus, Nancy reminds us to make time to touch, taste, and smell the reality around us.
Robin Phillips offers nine creative ways to connect real experiences with real learning in How To Homeschool At the Zoo: A Mini Unit Study - Crack the Egg posted at Crack the Egg Blog.
Adam Faughn shared Homeschool week #3: Some of Our Preparation Steps posted at The Faughn Family of Four, saying, “We started our first week of home schooling this week, and this post shares some of the memorable steps we took to prepare for this change in our life.”
It’s awfully hard to homeschool in chaos, and it’s really not necessary when you have a built-in team of helpers. Carol J. Alexander talks about how to make it work in Getting Your Kids to Do Chores posted at Everything Home with Carol.
In This Year’s Homeschool Curriculum at her blog, MrsMamaHen.com, Conni Smith shared a rundown of the core subject curriculum her family will be using this year.
The longer you homeschool, the more likely it is that you’ll forget what you’ve taught to which child. If you do, it’s easily remedied. Elena LaVictoire presents helpful tips on Making sure they get it all covered academically and otherwise! posted at My Domestic Church.
Is it ever too early to start reading to your child? Read Aloud … Dad presents When To Start Reading Aloud To a Child? posted at Read Aloud Dad.
It's never too early to start reading to your child.
Denise shares a great visual tool in Do You Mix Up These Words? posted at Blogging 2 Learn.
Billy Hart presents Danbury Baptist Association to Thomas Jefferson, Separation of Church and State posted at HistoricWords | American History | Founding Fathers | Politics | Faith | Quotes, saying, “The Danbury Baptist Association wrote this letter to Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson‚Äôs reply is where the phrase Separation of Church and State comes from. The Danbury Baptist Association said, ‚ÄúThe legitimate power of civil government extends no further than to punish the man who works ill to his neighbor.‚Äù”
Denise presents The (Mathematical) Trouble with Pizza posted at Let’s Play Math!, saying, “My daughter thinks her way through a challenging middle-school math problem.”
Laura O muses about learning a foreign language as a high school homeschooler.Tackle a foreign language? Which one? posted at Day By Day in Our World.
What’s it like to be the graduate of a Charlotte Mason education? Kaley Struble shares what she’s learned in Starting in the Right Direction on the ChildLightUSA blog.
Kaye Swain shared Bible Memory Verses Fun-Teaching The Ten Commandments to Our Children & Grandchildren-1 | SandwichINK for the Sandwich Generation posted at SandwichINK.com, saying, “The 10 Commandment Bible memory verses for children and grand kids was a fun summer project for my grandkids and me, but it’s also great for a homeschooling project any time in the year.”
HomeGrownKids presents Through the Bible overview (Week 1-4) posted at Kerugma, saying, “Kerugma Family Bible reading guide for use with young children. This guide is a no-fuss, easy to implement, overview of the Bible for the whole family. Preschool to highschool, homeschool, family bible reading.”
Does technology have something valuable to contribute?
Merit K presents Back to School with Tech? posted at Mission Possible!, saying, “Modern technology has some drawbacks and dangers, but there are ways to make technology work for us as parents and educators too!”
Angela Gray presents On Digital Media in Education - Team Gray! posted at team Gray!, saying, “While public education has come to mean crowd control and classroom management, digital media could mark the return of true learning–if the teachers would just get out of the way.”
Henry shares some thoughts about the nature of education and the benefit of homeschooling in Can education be automated? Should it? on Why Homeschool.
Trisha Poff reminds us of the importance of taking the time to give good words to those we love in Letters Never Written posted at A Multitude of Mercies.
Remember to take time for things that matter . . .
Are you at a difficult place in life? Learn more about Homeschooling Through Sicknesses, Pregnancies and Other Distressing Times at Beyond The Silver and The Gold - A Filipino Family’s Homeschool Journey.
If you’re in the early years of homeschooling, and juggling many children of different ages, don’t worry–it won’t always be this hard. Nebby offers encouragement in Homeschooling: Some Parts Get Easier posted at Letters from Nebby.
My contribution for this carnival will be the Of Daffodils and Diesels Revisited post from the archive. It was hard to choose– there are articles on everything from literature to caregiving to learning styles to homeschooling boys– but Daffodils and Diesels is especially worth reading at the beginning of a school year. It’s important to teach the student we have, rather than teaching a particular curriculum. Enjoy!
That’s all for now. I hope you enjoyed the carnival!
Submit your blog article to the next edition of carnival of homeschooling using the official carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on the blog carnival index page.
It’s time for our annual summer poem. This year, I chose a warm, evocative poem by Edgar A. Guest, the author of many home- and family-focused poems. If you have boys, I think you’ll especially enjoy this, particularly if you’ve read and enjoyed John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart and Fathered by God.
In a different vein, I also included a brief poem by William Carlos Williams. Be sure to notice how he creates a whimsical, yet thoughtful mood using just a few carefully chosen words. Enjoy!
A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip-
There is a glorious fellowship!
Father and son and the open sky
And the white clouds lazily drifting by,
And the laughing stream as it runs along
With the clicking reel like a martial song,
And the father teaching the youngster gay
How to land a fish in the sportsman’s way.
I fancy I hear them talking there
In an open boat, and the speech is fair.
And the boy is learning the ways of men
From the finest man in his youthful ken.
Kings, to the youngster, cannot compare
With the gentle father who’s with him there.
And the greatest mind of the human race
Not for one minute could take his place.
Which is happier, man or boy?
The soul of the father is steeped in joy,
For he’s finding out, to his heart’s delight,
That his son is fit for the future fight.
He is learning the glorious depths of him,
And the thoughts he thinks and his every whim;
And he shall discover, when night comes on,
How close he has grown to his little son.
A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip-
Builders of life’s companionship!
Oh, I envy them, as I see them there
Under the sky in the open air,
For out of the old, old long-ago
Come the summer days that I used to know,
When I learned life’s truths from my father’s lips
As I shared the joy of his fishing-trips.
Wanderer moon
smiling a
faintly ironical smile
at this
brilliant, dew-moistened
summer morning,-
a detached
sleepily indifferent
smile, a
wanderer’s smile,-
if I should
buy a shirt
your color and
put on a necktie
sky-blue
where would they carry me?
Hannibal crossing the Alps with war elephants.
It’s been awhile since I posted the first two parts of this series, but the contrast between a true, living education and the stale, dead imitation that often replaces it continues to niggle at my thoughts. So here’s another brief scene that highlights the contrast.
Scene 1
The elephant turned his trunk toward the audience, and surprised them with a cold shower. The twins pressed closer to the edge of the enclosure, shaking water from their eyes. “Read us what it says, Momma,” they asked, looking at the sign on the rail.
“It’s an Asian elephant,” ventured one twin, pointing at the map.
“And it eats roots, grasses, fruit, and bark,” said the other, looking at the photos of the elephant in the wild.
The twins listened intently, eyes studying the elephant’s leathery hide, giant ears, and stringy tail, as their mother read the information. They had watched a National Geographic video earlier in the week, and had been talking about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants during the Second Punic War.
Scene 2
Later, another family stopped at the elephant pen. A toddler laughed and pointed, while a slightly older child tugged at her father’s arm. “Please, Daddy, can you read what it says?”
As her father began to read the information, the oldest child sighed in boredom and pulled out his iPod. He didn’t bother to look at the elephants– after all, he had learned all about them in first grade. The class had seen the giant leg bone of an elephant, felt a piece of dried elephant hide, and filled out a worksheet on the life cycle of the elephant. What more was there to know?
Inoculate: To treat with a portion (usually dead) of a virus or infective agent to prevent disease.
To think about: Why does institutional education so often inoculate students against further learning? (There’s a clue in the definition above.)
Previous posts on this topic:
Part I: What is a Chicken?
Part 2: What Does Education Look Like? A Look at Socialization
This classic essay by an unknown author has been around since I began homeschooling, and I often recommend it to parents of children who just don’t fit the college-bound mold. As it becomes more and more common to try to shove every student into a college, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit this essay and think about the consequences of expecting every young person to walk the same path.
As much as I value the beauty found in literature, art, and music and enjoy studying it, I realize that the world would be a wee bit lopsided if everyone were just like me. We need machinists and mechanics, soldiers and sailors, builders and bricklayers as much as we need authors, artists, and scholars. Each plays a much-needed role in society, and we do a disservice to young people when we imply that only one type of gift is valuable.
No matter what society tries to convey, a worker who diligently and ethically practices a trade can earn an excellent living, and if they have an entrepreneurial bent, can also provide an excellent living for many others. Despite the fact that the wages of many white-collar workers hover at a level similar to the trades, I know that many parents look at the wage-earning potential of blue-collar jobs (something you can research in the Occupational Outlook Handbook), and fear that their child will be unable to support a family, especially on a single income, but honestly– it happens all the time. Many homeschool families are even able to create multiple streams of income that help to supplement the primary wage.
Consider also that in times of disaster such as the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the most immediate need is for people with practical skills– cleaning, digging, repairing, healing, building. The economists, philosophers, and academics will eventually be needed, but at first, it’s all about practical ministry. There is honor and value in work well done, whether it’s work done with mind, heart, or hands.
Finally, and very significantly, there is also joy and success when a student is allowed to work out his or her gifting. Just read the essay below, and absorb it. It’s a vivid picture of a competent young man with strong, mature role models who is deeply interested in relevant things. He has mastered many of the skills he will need to use his gifts, and he’s eager to learn more from people who share his interest and talent for practical knowledge. I think he’d join Winston Churchill in declaring, “I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.”
I’m not very good in school. This is my second year in the seventh grade, and I’m bigger than most of the other kids. The kids like me all right, even though I don’t say much in class, and that sort of makes up for what goes on in school. I don’t know why the teachers don’t like me. They never have. It seems like they don’t think you know anything unless you can name the book it comes out of.
I read a lot at home—things like Popular Mechanics and Sports Illustrated and the Sears catalog—but I don’t just sit down and read them through like they make us do in school. I use them when I want to find something out, like a batting average or when Mom buys something secondhand and wants to know if she’s getting a good price.
In school, though, we’ve got to learn whatever is in the book and I just can’t memorize the stuff. Last year I stayed after school every night for two weeks trying to learn the names of the presidents. Some of them were easy, like Washington and Jefferson and Lincoln, but there must have been 30 altogether and I never did get them straight. I’m not too sorry, though, because the kids who learned the presidents had to turn right around and learn all the vice presidents. 
I am taking the seventh grade over, but our teacher this year isn’t interested in the names of the presidents. She has us trying to learn the names of all the great American inventors. I guess I just can’t remember the names in history. Anyway, I’ve been trying to learn about trucks because my uncle owns three and he says I can drive one when I’m 16. I know the horsepower and gear ratios of 26 American trucks and want to operate a diesel. Those diesels are really something.
“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” Albert Einstein
I started to tell my teacher about them in science class last week when the pump we were using to make a vacuum in a bell jar got hot, but she said she didn’t see what a diesel engine has to do with our experiment on air pressure, so I just shut up. The kids seemed interested, though. I took four of them around to my uncle’s garage after school and we watched his mechanic tear down a big diesel engine. He really knew his stuff.
I’m not very good in geography, either. They call it economic geography this year. We’ve been studying the imports and exports of Turkey all week, but I couldn’t tell you what they are. Maybe the reason is that I missed school for a couple of days when my uncle took me downstate to pick up some livestock. He told me where we were headed and I had to figure out the best way to get there and back. He just drove and turned where I told him. It was over 500 miles round trip and I’m figuring now what his oil cost and the wear and tear on the truck—he calls it depreciation—so we’ll know how much we made. When we got back I wrote up all the bills and sent letters to the farmers about what their pigs and cattle brought at the stockyard. My aunt said I only made 3 mistakes in 17 letters, all commas. I wish I could write school themes that way. The last one I had to write was on “What a daffodil thinks of spring,” and I just couldn’t get going.
I don’t do very well in arithmetic, either. Seems I just can’t keep my mind on the problems. We had one the other day like this: If a 57 foot telephone pole falls across a highway so that 17 and 3/4 feet extend from one side and 14 and 16/17 feet extend from the other, how wide is the highway? That seemed to me like an awfully silly way to get the size of a highway. I didn’t even try to answer it because it didn’t say whether the pole had fallen straight across or not. [Logic]
Even in shop class I don’t get very good grades. All of us kids made a broom holder and a bookend this semester and mine were sloppy. I just couldn’t get interested. Mom doesn’t use a broom anymore withher new vacuum cleaner, and all of our books are in a bookcase with glass doors in the family room. Anyway, I wanted to make a tailgate for my uncle’s trailer, but the shop teacher said that meant using metal and wood both, and I’d have to learn how to work with wood first. I didn’t see why, but I kept quiet and made a tie tack even though my dad doesn’t wear ties. I made the tailgate after school in my uncle’s garage, and he said I saved him $20. [Relevance, meaningless rules]
Government class is hard for me, too. I’ve been staying after school trying to learn the Articles of Confederation for almost a week, because the teacher said we couldn’t be a good citizen unless we did. I really tried because I want to be a good citizen. I did hate to stay after school, though, because a bunch of us guys from Southend have been cleaning up the old lot across from Taylor’s Machine Shop to make a playground out of it for the little kids from the Methodist home. I made the jungle gym out of the old pipe, and the guys put me in charge of things. We raised enough money collecting scrap this month to build a wire fence clear around the lot.
Dad says I can quit school when I’m 16. I’m sort of anxious to because there are a lot of things I want to learn.
***
Remember, ” . . . the body is not made up of one part but of many . . .
If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?
But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.
If they were all one part, where would the body be?
As it is, there are many parts, but one body.” (From I Corinthians 12)
Are you ready for 2011? For the last Carnival of Homeschooling for 2010, we have a loose collection of posts under the general topic of Making Time for Things that Matter. I find that the beginning of a new year is a good time to reflect on the year just past and think ahead to what we’d like to see happen in the new year. At the very least, it’s a good time to count blessings!
The post I’d like to share from my Taking Time for Things that Matter blog is from earlier this month, and it’s called Plan to Live Life on Purpose. It followed an article on Impact: Making Time for Things that Matter, which you may also find helpful.
In Weed It And Reap, Nancy offers encouragement for homeschool moms who are just beginning or are feeling overwhelmed at Sage Parnassus, a blog with a focus on books, education, and encouragement in the Charlotte Mason tradition.
Jill has shared Binding Books Beautifully ~ Motivating Reluctant Writers at Sweet Diva. Learn how to motivate reluctant writers (and encourage eager writers) with a hands-on book making project!
In My Arms Were Too Short to Box with God, Letty Brown offers a very personal look at her journey into homeschooling at The Bold and the Fabulous. Read more
Delikatesy_7154345.jpg "Give with love, receive with gratitude.")
Give with love, receive with gratitude.
Are you thinking about gifts and giving this morning? Perhaps even about receiving a gift or two? Whichever one it is, I’m sure you have lots of company. The thing I’ve found about gifting is that the older I get, the more relaxed I am about it, and as a result, the whole process becomes simpler. If gift-giving occasions make you feel stressed or depressed, perhaps our gifting story will help.
Donald and I recently celebrated our 29th anniversary with a nice weekend away together, and an interesting gift for each of us. The key was that we got to pick out our own gifts, so we got to enjoy browsing antique and thrift shops together and finding that magical momento of the occasion. At least that’s what my gift, a vintage Kenneth J. Lane 3-strand pearl necklace (think Jackie Kennedy or Barbara Bush), was for me.
Donald’s gift, on the other hand was a splendidly powerful Stihl chain saw. His favorite downtime hobby is cutting firewood, and he spends many weekends a year cutting and splitting. This is his third Stihl, and I know he’ll get hours of delight from it.
Now I’ll admit, I didn’t start life with a burning desire to choose my own gifts, or have other people choose theirs. I enjoy the process of choosing a special gift for someone I know well, and I absolutely love the fun and excitement of opening presents. However, like many of us, I learned a few things after I got married.
Among Donald’s many talents there’s a gap. He was born without what I call a “floofy” gene. In other words, he’s practical. He doesn’t see the point in spending time alone shopping and buying something, using our joint checking account, without knowing it’s something I’d need or want. Not only did we not have extra money to spend on non-essentials, he didn’t feel it was good time management to take time away from home and family to shop. He’s not even the type of guy who would come home with a vacuum cleaner or fancy cooking item. He believes that if I need anything like that, I can find and buy it much more efficiently than he can.
So. . . I spent the first couple of special occasions after we were married hoping that a miraculous transplant of the floofy gene had occurred since the last occasion, and being sadly disappointed when it hadn’t. Eventually, I realized that I’d either have to adjust, or spend the rest of our marriage regarding special occasions as time for mourning.
Since I loathe whining, adapting was the only viable choice. I had to accept that gifts, like grace, are by definition unearned and unmerited. No one owes us any kind of gift at any time. If something is not freely and joyously given in love, it’s a token of duty rather than a gift, and that’s not something any of us needs. On the other hand, if something is given in love, even if it’s small, used, ill-fitting, or otherwise unsuitable, it needs to be received in love, with a graceful expression of gratitude for the loving thought that inspired it.
In addition, I think we must always assume that there’s a loving thought behind a gift, and respond accordingly, because love thinks no evil (I Corinthians 13). Making negative assumptions as to a giver’s motive is one good way to way to lose your joy and spoil relationships. If someone gives you a garment that’s too large, it’s probably not because they think you’re fat–they’re just not great at guessing sizes. If they give you a new ostrich feather duster, it’s probably not because they think you’re slothful– it’s because an ostrich feather duster can make dusting fun. Making false assumptions isn’t wise or scriptural, and it’s a fast track to unhappiness.
The funny thing is, after 29 years, I’ve come around to Donald’s way of thinking, and thoroughly enjoy being able to give him the thing he wants most. When we shop together for my gift, it reminds us of the early days of our marriage when we enjoyed browsing antique and thrift stores, art and craft shows and flea markets. Once we had children and my grandparents living with us, those times almost vanished, so it’s fun to revisit them. Some years, we don’t have anything we specifically want or need, or don’t have money in the budget for anything extra. We can usually squeeze in a little time together, though, and that’s fun.
For our children, we followed traditional gift-giving customs until they reached the teen years. At that point, they could request a special item or cash to buy something on their own. For many years, our oldest son chose music and history courses from The Teaching Company, while the others usually opted for a shopping trip in which they could choose gifts up to a specified dollar amount. In some ways, we transferred the anticipation from receiving an object to the experience of doing something fun and special together. It’s worked well, and sometimes we still do it even though they’re grown.
I tell you all that to remind you that there are many ways to give and receive, but above all, whatever you do needs to be done in love, grace, and gratitude. If you have married into a family with different gifting traditions from your own, remember that it’s possible to adapt and create new traditions that you’ll grow to enjoy as much as the ones you grew up with.
There’s never any room in true giving for unloving attitudes and behavior, so if something is causing difficulty, remember that you are the only person whose heart you can change. You can’t squash another person (especially your husband) into your mold, even if you are always right and have “better” traditions;-).
Children will have a hard time learning contentment and gratitude if they don’t see it practiced in love. It’s important that they learn to express thanks for whatever they receive, even if it’s not something they’d ever want. They can still be grateful for the love that inspired the gift, and bless the giver with gratitude. A gift they don’t love may be just what someone else wants or needs.
Special occasions and holidays can be times of joy if you approach them in gratitude for whatever comes. Choosing to harbor disappointment or resentment, or trying desperately to manipulate someone else into behaving as you wish they would is a recipe for unhappiness and clouded memories. It’s freeing to know that you have the option to adjust your thoughts and be grateful, no matter what.
Interestingly, this summer Donald found himself at an art and craft fair alone, and he surprised me with a lovely gift. Because I wasn’t expecting it, it was doubly special, and I’ll always wear it with the happy knowledge that he took the time to think of me and find something beautiful.
Create traditions that work within your family, greet gifts with love and gratitude, and whatever you give, give in a spirit of love and grace, releasing the recipient from any assumed obligation for a specific type of response or reciprocation. True gifts come without strings!
Foundlings by Matthew Christian Harding- Book 1 of The Peleg Chronicles
Looking for a special gift for a reader? Be sure to check out The Peleg Chronicles by Matthew Christian Harding. They are delightful adventures, replete with dragons and giants, but with no magic, evolution, or humanism.
Foundlings and Paladins, the first two books in the Chronicles, are currently available, and I’m watching closely for the next one in the series, as Mr. Harding is a master of the cliff-hanger ending.
You can read more and purchase the books at www.matthewchristianharding.com. I plan to post a full review soon, but I just wanted to let you know about these.
Warm and at peace...
As we approach the end of 2010, my thoughts turn toward the coming year. I like to spend some quiet time looking back at the year we’ve just lived– its joys and sorrows, its milestones and hurdles– and meditate on what I’ve learned, and where I need to go. As I think through these things, I begin planning for next year. Planning and setting goals helps me live life on purpose, making time for things that matter, rather than letting life just happen.
Wikipedia defines a goal as “a projected state of affairs that a person or a system plans or intends to achieve.” Goals are not a to-do list, but rather a snapshot of your vision for a desired outcome. Therefore, it’s important to have a very clear picture of what you want to achieve before you set any goals. For many years I have used mission statements to guide my yearly goal-setting, and those statements provide a vision of what I want individual goals to accomplish.
Mission statements can be long or short, but I’ve found that for most people a short, memorable mission statement works best. I prefer to have short, separate mission statements for each of my life roles– mother, wife, daughter, writer, teacher, friend. Here’s my “Mom Mission” statement: “I will create a loving, serene, creative environment that encourages personal and spiritual growth in a warm, nurturing family.” Notice that the mission addresses the “being” part of our family. Goals will address the “doing” end of things.
Once you have a mission statement that captures your vision for a particular area of life, outline up to three goals in that area. It’s important to create just a few realistic goals or you’ll feel overwhelmed and never get started. For instance, goals for my Mom Mission have varied over the years, but usually included daily quiet time, nurturing dinner table conversations, and a focus on home-centered activities. Goals are not tasks– those come next!
In order to meet goals, you’ll need to create a plan for making it happen. Ask yourself what needs to happen in order to meet your goals. Is there something you need to make, buy, move, repurpose, or change? Do you need to revise your daily schedule (or create one) in order to make time for something new? What do you need to communicate to your children, and how will you do so? List what you need to do in order to achieve the goal, and estimate how long it might take to accomplish it.
For example, if you want to begin having a daily quiet time for each person in the family, decide where each person’s quiet time spot will be (everyone needs to have a separate space, even if it’s just tucked behind a sofa or under the dining room table). Make a list of the kinds of activities that are permitted during quiet time– I always allowed naps, reading, writing, drawing, clay, or quiet building blocks, and share the list with everyone.
If you’ve never done quiet time with your family, briefly explain what you’re doing and why. Share the idea with joy and enthusiasm so they’ll understand that it’s something wonderful for everyone. If you meet with resistance, simply move forward, being pleasant but firm. Remember, you’re the mom!
Living life on purpose takes planning, but making time for things that matter means being flexible. Once you’ve established your vision and goals, remember that the long-term mission is more important than the stort-term task list. If you take your eyes off the goal of a loving, serene, creative environment, you might find yourself snapping at children who interrupt while you’re virtuously rearranging the house to accomodate quiet time. It’s often harder to live the fruit of the spirit than it is to complete a to-do list, but your mission statement can keep you focused.
- Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child by Anthony Esolen
The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics
- Epic: The Story God Is Telling by John Eldredge
- Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive by John Eldredge
- For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay
The Crosswicks Journal Collection by Madeleine L'Engle; Four Book Set: A Circle of Quiet; The Summer of the Great Grandmother; The Irrationial Season; Two-Part Invention (Crosswicks Journal, 1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi, I'm Janice Campbell, and I'm glad you're here! I invite you to join me in focusing on things that matter- family, literacy, creativity, growth, and service. It's so easy to be entangled by the mundane, but it doesn't have to happen.
Among other things, I'll write about home-schooling through high school, and some of the opportunities you can explore with your teens- entrepreneurship, travel, early college, college alternatives, and more.
I'll also share favorite poems, classic literature, announcements of special events and reviews of good resources, as well as a dollop of opinion on mostly education-related topics. I welcome your comments!
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Do What Matters, Make it Pay
