Momma, Want to See a Snake? How to Raise Boys, Part 1

It was a beautiful spring day, and we spent most of it with doors open, happily going in and out with various tasks and projects. It was mid-afternoon when my youngest son, 18, came in. “Momma, do you want to see a big snake?”

For all of you moms who are new at parenting boys, here’s a quick hint: The correct answer is, “Sure. What kind do you think he is?” If you’re an experienced homeschool mom, you’ll also know to suggest taking a photo so that Mr. Snake can be added to the kid’s nature notebooks.

Here's a black snake that's not big enough to be scary!

I quit whatever I was doing, and we walked out together to see the snake (most likely a black snake, according to my son’s description). By the time we got back to where he had been spotted, he was gone.

We ended up walking all the way around the woodland path, with ds pausing to push down a few dead trees. (As a certified mom of boys, I know that the correct response for this is, “Where should I stand?” The wrong thing to say is “Be careful!”) A quick walk to view a snake turned into a nice opportunity to chat and reminisce about when the boys were young. We both enjoyed seeing what was budding, as well as our visit.

Of course, some of you are excused from going to see Mr. Snake (if ships can be female, then snakes can be male). For example, if you’re in labor, you don’t need to go. If the house is on fire, the baby needs to be fed, someone is bleeding, or sirens are approaching for any other reason, you may ask for a few moments to deal with the distraction. Otherwise you can probably afford to take a moment to share your child’s interest in a wild creature.

I hate to tell you that being afraid of snakes is not a good reason to decline the invitation. The truth is, the effort you put into getting over (or suppressing) the vapors will be amply repaid by the continued growth and strengthening of your relationship with your child. Each time an invitation is refused, there’s less likelihood that it will be repeated. That may sound good when you have several small ones who all want momma to “Look!” but trust me, in a few years you’ll be glad you shared those interests and are still a part of their life.

Love those sweet boys every single minute, and you’ll be glad you did.

*Note: This series of posts is presented, not in a spirit of “I did it all right,” because no one knows better than I how many things I didn’t do right, but in a spirit of encouragement. I share them because I wish you joy. I also want to encourage you that you can take this opportunity to discipline your own irrational fears so that you won’t pass them on to your children. “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-control.” II Timothy 1:7.

Give Your Child the Benefit of the Doubt

The sweetness of lips increases learning... (Proverbs 16:21)

Do you remember what it’s like to be a child?

Do you remember struggling with something and being told, “Come on, it’s easy! You’re just not trying.” Or worse, “You could do better if you weren’t so lazy/careless.”

Do you remember how that felt?

What if you really were struggling? What if you couldn’t see the chalkboard, or couldn’t hear the teacher clearly? What if you just didn’t quite understand what to do? Did it help to be told that you’re not trying, or that you’re lazy, or careless? Did it make you want to come back to school, to try harder?

I rather doubt it.

If you have a child that’s not doing well with something, stop and think before you speak. If the child is generally cooperative and obedient, is there any reason to assume that he or she has suddenly become uncooperative, careless, lazy, or incompetent?

Children often don’t know how to clearly express a lack of comprehension, and parents can get tired of hearing “I don’t know how,” or “I can’t.” The child may not fully understand that the reason he feels he can’t write a book report is because he’s never seen a completed one. Often, he’ll dawdle, be mischievous, or procrastinate because he truly doesn’t know the next step.

That isn’t the child’s fault, is it?

If a child doesn’t see or hear clearly, he or she usually don’t realize it. If trees have always been green blobs, how would she know that trees don’t look like that to other people? Children can’t explain what they don’t know, so it’s important for those who love them to have their sight and hearing checked regularly, so that problems can be caught and fixed.

One of the biggest responsibilities of parenthood is to model love, grace, and kindness. Remember your own childhood, and how it felt to be unjustly accused or misunderstood. Remember how it felt when someone extended love, grace, and kindness to you, and showed patience and understanding when you had difficulties. Remember God’s love. Pass it on.

Learning: Mind-Numbing or Mind-Nourishing?

Robinson Crusoe reading

We’ve been finished with our homeschool journey for some time now, but learning is still happening for all of us, and that makes me happy. I’ve been thinking about learning and what makes it stick, what brings it to life, and why some students enjoy it more than others. Here are a few thoughts…

Can you remember the last time you or your student was excited about learning? One of the things I enjoy most about having grown sons is the fact that they are continuing to learn through reading and listening, and are excited about it. One of them will often track me down to tell me all about the book he’s reading or listening to, and we often have conversations that range across the spectrum of knowledge.

Within the last couple of weeks, I’ve enjoyed a discussion of C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity with one of the boys, and had several interesting conversations about a lengthy series of essays by Ayn Rand with another son. They begin the discussions, and I’m usually delighted–though I don’t necessarily agree with everything– at the interesting ideas they bring to the table. I’ve decided that it really does pay to raise your own conversational companions;-)! Read more

Houseplants and Homeschools and Normal Homeschool Moms

It’s only December and the geraniums are pouting, the mandevillas are climbing everything they can reach, and the hibiscus persists in drooping. If I hadn’t left the begonia on the front porch too long, it would be shedding leaves and blossoms everywhere. How does this happen to me every year?

As I made my rounds with the watering can, I realized that my lament sounded an awful lot like some of what I used to think about homeschooling. Right about the time the weather turned cold, the new had worn off the lesson plans, all the interesting books had been read, and all that was left was squirming and math, not necessarily in that order.

How long does it take to reach that “whose bright idea was this anyway” point in your homeschool year? If you’re a first-year homeschooler, you may feel a bit alarmed when it happens. You may even feel like a “bad” homeschooler. I know I did, but that was only until I realized it was happening every year, and every other homeschooler I met seemed to be having similar thoughts.

For what it’s worth, it’s normal to have these moments. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed on some days, and it’s normal to wish for peace and quiet. Here are a few things you can do to make “normal” bearable: Read more

Veteran’s Day 2009- Thoughts on Liberty

On this Veteran’s Day, I’m thankful for those who have borne the burden of preserving the freedoms we enjoy. We have an amazing heritage! Here are a few of my favorite quotes on the subject.

Benjamin Franklin

“They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

Abraham Lincoln

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter, and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” Read more

Carnival of Homeschooling- The NaNoWriMo Edition

Preface

Don't miss our Thanksgiving Sale!

Welcome to this hundred-and-umpteenth Carnival of Homeschooling! Because November is National Novel Writing Month (also known as NaNoWriMo or nano), and I’m over 10,000 words into the writing process (and can’t think of anything but writing, writing, and more writing), I thought it would be appropriate to format this Carnival as sections of a book. I even consulted the Chicago Manual of Style for an authoritative list of book parts!

Introduction

For me, homeschooling is first and foremost a heart matter. In Mangled Schedules and Grateful Hearts, an article I wrote for Home School Enrichment magazine, you can read how a father’s presence and influence can shape a family school. Enjoy! Read more

Celebrate National Punctuation Day!

Okay, students, put on your party hats! It’s time to celebrate the not-so-lowly punctuation mark. We’re a little late to join the baking contest planned as part of the celebration, but there nothing stopping us from using commas, periods, apostrophes, and semi-colons to our hearts content. Choose your favorite punctuation mark and make merry!

Imagine a world undefined without punctuation a world in which wed have to guess at meanings and try to read smoothly without the aid of those handy little signals imagine how silly wed sound stumbling through Dickens or trying to skim through Hamlets soliloquy to be or not to be that is the question whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them to die to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to making sense of that without punctuation could be quite a nightmare especially for 10th graders if they are allowed to read Shakespeare anymore

Jeff Rubin, the founder of National Punctuation Day offers tongue-in-cheek suggestions for how to celebrate the holiday, including:

Sleep late.
Go out for coffee and a bagel (or two).
Take a leisurely stroll, paying close attention to store signs with incorrectly punctuated words.
Stop in those stores to correct the owners.
If the owners are not there, leave notes.

Rubin has graciously provided a page of horrifyingly funny pictures of errors spotted in public places (and instructions for how you can submit your own photos) . TIP: If you don’t find all the photos on this page hilarious, find a grammatically-correct friend to explain the joke. They’re too funny to miss!

P.S. The fact that I find these common errors funny doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally overlook things in my own writing. It also doesn’t mean that I check incoming e-mails for typos. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be. I’m always writing under deadline, and I expect that you are too, so don’t worry about having your comments or e-mails perfectly proofread. I don’t have the time or inclination. I just like to hear from you–with or without typos!

Create A Place of Quietness in your Day

Do you ever feel overwhelmed when there is noise and hubbub all day long? It can be hard to avoid when you have children home all the time. One of the things I did with my boys was to create quiet spaces in our day. I always tried to begin the day before anyone else got up. I’d take time over coffee and breakfast to read a chapter or two of the Bible, then look at my list of priorities for the day.

After the boys got up and we did school, we’d have an afternoon Quiet Time. It lasted for various amounts of time, depending upon their ages, but the important thing was that each person had a separate place to be, and there was nothing noisy happening in the house. Not even good noise like music! Each boy could read, write, color, nap, even play Legos or Knex, as long as he was silent. During that hour or whatever time we spent, our spirits were refreshed, and we grew ready to cope with the rest of the day.

After the boys went to bed, there was a final quiet time in which Donald and I would sit in the sunroom and read the newspaper or a book, I’d make my list for the next day, and we would sometimes visit quietly. It was a delightful way to wrap up our long day!

I hope that you have quiet spaces planned into your life for the next school year. It’s amazing what can happen in quiet moments! I’ve attached a handout from a recent conference where I spoke on “Making Time for Things That Matter.” It has a number of good quotes on quietness, as well as a few other helpful things. I hope you enjoy it!

making-time-handoutindd2

“Now I begin to feel that all that is important comes in quietness and waiting; and that activity should be only the working out, the digesting and putting forth of what one learned, so that one may become empty again to receive more.” Rodney Collin

“…in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Note: I have been trying to find out the artist and the name of the painting above. I initially thought it must be a Vermeer, or possibly a Rembrandt, but haven’t been able to find it in any of the sources I have. If you know, please leave a comment and let me know so that I can properly attribute it. Thank you!

“The Schoolboy”- A Summer Poem by William Blake

It’s been awhile since I posted a poem, but when I heard someone talking about doing school through summer, I just had to post this one! Enjoy!

The proper joys of summer.

I love to rise in a summer morn,
When the birds sing on every tree;
The distant huntsman winds his horn,
And the skylark sings with me:
O what sweet company!

But to go to school in a summer morn, —
O it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day
In sighing and dismay.

Ah then at times I drooping sit,
And spend many an anxious hour;
Nor in my book can I take delight,
Nor sit in learning’s bower,
Worn through with the dreary shower.

How can the bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?
How can a child, when fears annoy,
But droop his tender wing,
And forget his youthful spring!

O father and mother if buds are nipped,
And blossoms blown away;
And if the tender plants are stripped
Of their joy in the springing day,
By sorrow and care’s dismay, —

How shall the summer arise in joy,
Or the summer fruits appear?
Or how shall we gather what griefs destroy,
Or bless the mellowing year,
When the blasts of winter appear?

From Songs of Experience, 1794

The Perfect Cure for Summer Boredom

Don’t forget to use the Convention Season Specials by July 12!

It’s summertime, and a few days after you put away the schoolbooks, you may hear the dreaded complaint, “I’m bored.” It’s a complaint I always welcomed, because I had found the perfect answer. However, let’s look first at the history of boredom.

Next time one of your children complains about being bored, or you wonder why you have to do the same task over and over again, consider this: You may be bored, but did you know that the very word itself wasn’t even invented until after 1750? Now that’s an interesting fact to keep your boredom at bay!

Think about it: If people were bored back in the 1700s, they had no clue. They might have felt it, but they hadn’t come up with the word to describe it yet, according to Patricia M. Spacks, the author of Boredom: The Literary History of a State of Mind. But once the concept had a name, it became universal. Children soon pointed it out. Researchers blame it for a number of society’s ills, including drug addiction. Even entertainment is seen as boring, because there’s so much of it to go around. The bottom line, according to Spacks, is that there’s no cure for boredom. You just have to accept it, and know there will be a change for the better soon enough.

The late poet Joseph Brodksy had this depressing thought to offer in a 1989 college commencement: “When hit by boredom, let yourself be crushed by it; submerge, hit bottom,” he said. “The sooner you hit bottom, the faster you surface.” According to some experts, the real trick is to simply get used to monotony. It’s a part of life, even among exciting people. They suggest that you try to experience things in new ways, and not mistakenly assume that only new things are interesting.

That’s all very well, but my perfect cure for the complaint of boredom was to cheerfully say, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that! Here’s a little project you can do” while handing them the tools for accomplishing a chore from the day’s to-do list. My boys learned very early that it was much more fun to choose an activity from the Summer Fun List (a list of good books to read, art projects to try, things to build, games to play, etc.). The key was that once the word “bored” was uttered, there was no taking it back, and the suggested chore had to be completed. Trust me, this works like a charm!

If you feel a little guilty for requiring your children to entertain themselves, or worse, you suffer a bit from the inability to keep yourself happily occupied, I assure you that banishing boredom is a noble goal. Consider these quotes:

“Many hours of solitary occupation and enjoyment, will lead to the development of the highest intellectual and moral traits of character; in fact, his mental resources may be considered entirely unknown and unexplored, who cannot spend his best and happiest hours alone.” (Jacob Abbott, c. 1850)

“Shakespeare, Leonardo da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln never saw a movie, heard a radio, or looked at television. They had loneliness and knew what to do with it. They were not afraid of being lonely because they knew that was when the creative mood in them would work.” (Carl Sandburg)

All creative people know that there’s really no such thing as boredom– it’s just a feeling of dissatisfaction that, if properly channeled, can lead to great work. Don’t be tempted to respond to complaints of boredom by rushing about, providing distractions. Let your children learn how to constructively use time, and they’ll never have to be bored again.

← Previous Page — Next Page →